Prioritizing Your Marriage in the Midst of Motherhood

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In our effort these days to provide our children with the time, attention, and care they need, we are inadvertently contributing to their potential downfall when we forget about our husbands and the importance of our marriages.

I am so thrilled to have Rebekah Hargraves, author of “Lies Moms Believe (and how the Gospel Refutes Them)” write a guest post for me today! We have so many similar view points, especially on this topic of Marriage and Motherhood, I knew she would be the best person to write about it for my audience. 

We live in a day and age in which our homes are becoming increasingly child-centric. We form our schedules around our children’s plans, always doing what they want to do, going where they want to go,  and spending time the way they want to spend time. We have forgotten how to say, “no.” We have forgotten the importance of discipline, of teaching gratitude, of preparing our children for adult life by teaching them early that the world does not revolve around them – that, instead, their focus ought to be on how they can serve the world. Perhaps the most detrimental aspect of a child-centric home, however, is that our priorities get out of whack and our husbands become relegated to the back burner.

There are articles all over the internet which speak to the importance of keeping your marriage first, even in the midst of parenting. There are even practical tips available for how exactly to go about doing so (I include a whole list of such tips for you in Lies Moms Believe (And How the Gospel Refutes Them!)). What I want to focus on today is what the Bible has to say about all this. I could point to the studies which speak of how strong marriages make for strong families and how ignoring one’s husband is detrimental to one’s children. Rather than look at what man has to say, however, I want to draw us back to the alive, active, unchanging Word of God to see exactly what the Lord has to say to this topic. That is the passion of my heart – to show you just how very applicable and relevant the Bible is to each and every struggle or issue we could ever face in our lives – not the least of which is life balance and the pursuit of proper priorities!

God’s Perspective on Prioritizing Marriage Before Motherhood

In a church culture which oftentimes speaks to the high and holy calling of motherhood, we have forgotten something. Women were not created first and foremost to be mothers. This is not the primary reason behind God’s creating woman. Is motherhood a sacred calling? Yes! Is mothering holy work? Absolutely! It is not, however, the ultimate purpose behind our creation as women.

In Genesis 2:18 we read, “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'”

In 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 Paul writes, “For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.”

There is no talk of motherhood in these passages. Again, this is not to say that motherhood is not incredibly important or that mothering is not a high calling. It is to say, however, that motherhood was not the primary purpose for God’s choosing to create woman. God’s primary purpose behind the creation of woman was so that He might provide man with a competent, capable, suitable helper to come alongside and aid him in his dominion work over creation. It was not good for the man to be alone, so God provided him with a partner to help him in his life work. After five days worth of creation, each of which ended in God’s proclaiming the work He had done to be good, He looked at His creation of man on the sixth day and found it wanting. Man could not possibly fulfill the mission given to him by God on his own. He needed a helper. And so God made woman.

If we are to take our cues from the Word of God (and we are!), then it becomes clear that today’s common practice of women focusing 100% of their attention on their children and in so doing, relegating their husbands to the back burner, is completely unBiblical and goes against God’s very design. And this is precisely why Satan is getting moms everywhere to believe the lie that this is their only option. Our old enemy, the father of lies himself, wants us to focus all our time, attention, effort, energy, and work on our children because he knows that if he can be successful in so distracting us, he can thereby chip away at the strength of our family as a whole.

The sad reality is that too often Satan is far more wise than we are. He knows (better than we do, I fear!) the crucial importance of the family unit and the powerful role it plays in strengthening the church and culture as a whole. This is why Satan is vehemently attacking the family in any way he can, not the least of which being his mission to distract a woman’s eyes away from her husband and marriage and instead place them primarily onto her children. He knows this to be a powerful way in which to distract moms because, after all, we mamas are crazy about our kiddos! And there’s nothing wrong with that powerful love of a mother for her children! The problem comes when we focus on our children so much that we ignore our husbands and forget our primary mission in life as wives.

The problem comes when we focus on our children so much that we ignore our husbands and forget our… Click To Tweet

In our effort these days to provide our children with the time, attention, and care they need, we are inadvertently contributing to their potential downfall when we forget about our husbands and the importance of our marriages. Ask anyone who grew up in a broken home or a home characterized by coldness between mom and dad and they will tell you – such a home has had adverse affects not only on them as people, but on how they view the institution of marriage, as well. This is not to say God cannot redeem all things and bring good out of broken places in our lives. He most certainly can! It is nevertheless true, however, that the kind of home in which you grow up will have a huge impact on the kind of adult you become and the sort of life you lead.

You Have Time, Sister!

I find “I just don’t have time!” to be one of the biggest lies believed by moms in our day. Women think themselves too busy for time with God, too busy for time with their husbands, too busy for time with friends, and too busy for the pursuit of any hobby or talents. We are believing lies, plain and simple. The fact of the matter is this – if we are finding ourselves to be too busy for our husbands, it is not because we don’t have enough time (after all, it was our all-wise God who chose for there to be 24 hours in each day!). It is because we have an improper ordering to our priorities. We are placing our work or our children or our ministries or other pursuits ahead of the two most important relationships in our lives – our relationship with God and our relationship with our husband.

There is hope, however, dear sister! Do not despair. Understand that if God has called us to something (such as prioritizing our marriages and keeping our husbands second only to Him) then He will undoubtedly provide us with the ability to do that thing! The question is – do you believe that? Do you trust Him? Will you follow His lead?

The choice is yours, sweet mama! Choose oh-so-carefully.

Meet my friend:

Rebekah Hargraves is a wife, mama of two littles, home business owner, podcaster, and blogger residing in TN. Her passion is to bless fellow Christian women through her writings on her website, Hargraves Home and Hearth, which exists to “edify, equip, and encourage women in their journey of Biblical womanhood”. Rebekah’s first book, “Lies Moms Believe (And How the Gospel Refutes Them)”, releases in November.

Facebook: Hargraves Home and Hearth

Instagram: @rebekahhargraves

Twitter: @hhomeandhearth

Website: Hargraves Home and Hearth 

 

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7 Comments

  • Melissa October 30, 2017 at 10:16 am

    This post has so many truths in it I don’t even know where to start! Thank you for reminding us of God’s priorities for our life. It is also beneficial for our children to see us prioritizing appropriately so that they know how to do it when they have a marriage and a family of their own. Thank you for the post. God bless!

    Reply
    • Rebekah Hargraves October 31, 2017 at 8:51 am

      Thank you so much for the kind words, Melissa! 🙂 I’m so glad you enjoyed the post.

      Yes, that is such an excellent point! We are living out a picture of marriage for our children which they will likely emulate. We need to be asking ourselves if that picture is a good, helpful, and Biblical one or a picture that is doing more harm than good.

      Thank you for sharing! God bless!

      Reply
  • Candice October 30, 2017 at 10:52 am

    Such a great post! My husband and I talked about this last night while we were out eating dinner without the kids. In our society, the focus has become doing everything for our kids. But God made us for each other first and foremost. Thank you for this!

    Reply
    • Rebekah Hargraves October 31, 2017 at 8:52 am

      Amen! So true. And we now have the opportunity to provide the watching world with a true picture of the way marriage was intended to be.

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! 🙂

      Reply
  • Kira October 30, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    Such a needed message! The marriage relationship is so unique in its design to represent Christ and the church to the world, yet it’s not taught very well. I’ve definitely heard all the argues for putting your marriage above your children except this one, which is the most important. Thanks for spreading truths Rebekah!

    Reply
    • Rebekah Hargraves October 31, 2017 at 8:53 am

      That’s so encouraging to hear, Kira; thank you! That’s so true! If we grasped on a daily basis just what marriage is intended to represent, things would be different. Excellent point!

      Reply
  • Prioritizing Your Marriage in the Midst of Motherhood - Hargraves Home and Hearth November 3, 2017 at 7:51 am

    […] so blessed to have my sweet blogging friend, Sue Chacko, on my launch team for Lies Moms Believe. She opened her blog up to me this week to share my heart […]

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